1f you c4n r34d 7h15, you r34lly n33d 2 g37 l41d.

2. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

3. A lie is just a great story ruined by truth.

4. Actually, I’m not funny, I’m having a mental disorder

5. Alzheimer’s can’t be that bad. You get to meet new people every day.

6. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

7. BAE: Bacon And Eggs.

8. Born at a very young age.

9. Cartoonist found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

10. Chaos, panic & disorder – my work here is done.

11. Crowded elevators smell different to short people.

12. Did my opinion offend you? You should hear the ones I don’t say out loud.

13. Don’t get a woman, get a dog… They are loyal and they die sooner.

14. Don’t worry if plan A fails; there are twenty-five other letters in the alphabet.

15. Eat right. Stay in shape. Die anyway.

16. Eat+Shit+Die=Perfection

17. Error 404, Bio Not Found!

18. Gifted napper, talker, and ice cream eater.

19. Humble with just a hint of Kanye.

20. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle… He’s dreaming too.